Kinda past the season but, what do you call a wreath made out of $100 bills?
A wreatha Franklins
Ok, a twofer
It's kind of slow in Upstate NY this time of the year. Not enough snow to do any real snow sports....ice isn't even thick enough for the ducks to sit on. So I went to the Kleptomaniac Championship Tournament. I took the gold, silver and bronze!
Lmao
It must be the WAY OFF season. That's funny!
I have all kinds of trouble w/ these silly Roman numerals, until I get to 159, then it CLIX.
Been There....you are a national treasure. I enjoy your jokes so much.
@lakerie lol You're welcome!
I just repeat 'em, wish I could remember all of the ones that I hear, but forget before I get home to note the punchline. You know the mind is the 2nd thing to go as we age....can't remember what the 1st thing was.
Made Lil' Suzy a Hawaiian pizza for dinner the other night, Canadian bacon vs ham. Had it in for the allotted time, but it got a tad burned around the edges.
Guess I should have baked it at aloha temperature.
Did you hear the one about the fishing hook that was oversensitive?Made Lil' Suzy a Hawaiian pizza for dinner the other night, Canadian bacon vs ham. Had it in for the allotted time, but it got a tad burned around the edges.
Guess I should have baked it at aloha temperature.
It was a defensive tackle.
Ugh... lmao
I have a little ditching to do and maybe a pond to dig. Being the independent SOB that I am, got to thinking, rent an excavator, do it yourself! So I signed up for excavator school. I'm really diggin' it!
Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar.
And don't try to convince me that it was a coincidence!
Ya know, it long been said that the stork delivers babies. Turns out, that's just the smaller babies, the big ones are delivered by cranes.
How do you rejuvenate you old waterbed, give it a little more bounce?
Ya fill it with spring water.
My old boss once asked me, why it was that I only seemed to get sick during the work week.
I told him, I must have some kind of weekend immunity.
My little Suzie's grandmother was 80% Irish. Sue says they called her Iris.
My neighbor came over this morning while I was blowing the 1000s of pine cones into windrows to get them out of the yard. He was bragging about his dog's retrieving abilities. He went on to say the dog would bring a ball back a 1/4 mile away.
I think that is a bit far fetched.
I got an email touting that Google Maps can be read backwards. Pretty sure it's spam.
I was talking to a friend of mine the other day. She works for the NYS Unemployment Office. She was grumbling about the stress there. I replied w/ my usual well thought out, intelligent, "Huh?"
She says, Yeah, if I get fired, I still have to show up to work the next day.
My wife threatened to divorce me if I gave our daughter a silly name. So I called her Bluff.
And I'm no longer married!
A screwdriver saunters into a bar. The bartender looks him over and says "Say, we have a drink named after you."
Screwdriver replies "Philip's?"
Under the guise of, What will they think of next.
One of the pop up ads was purveying a new "Mind Controlled" air freshener....
Which makes scents when you think about it.
The other morning Little Suzie seemed a little excited, "You didn't hear a word I said!"
Which, to me, seems like a strange way to start a conversation.
Some son's o' bitches broke onto my house last night while I was over at Sue's.
Didn't take anything except my limbo stick. SMH, How low can you go?
A limbo champion walks into a bar...Some son's o' bitches broke onto my house last night while I was over at Sue's.
Didn't take anything except my limbo stick. SMH, How low can you go?
...and loses his title.
