HAHAHAHA!! Thanks for that Been There, those jokes are just my speed. Here's one that you may have heard before but I laugh every time I hear it: A woman goes into the Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandsons birthday.
She doesn’t know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.
A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark shades.
She says, “Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?”
He says, “Ma’am, I’m completely blind; but if you’ll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes.”
She doesn’t believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.
He says, “That’s a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. test line.
It’s a good all around combination and it’s on sale this week for $20.00.”
She says, “It’s amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I’ll take it!”
As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.
“Oh, that sounds like a MasterCard,” he says.
She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts.
At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted.
Being blind, he wouldn’t know that she was the only person around.
The man rings up the sale and says, “That’ll be $34.50 please.”
The woman is totally confused by this and asks, “Didn’t you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00?
How did you get $34.50?”
He replies, “Yes, Ma’am.
The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Bear Repellent is $3.50.”

This poor guy was stranded on a desert island, for YEARS, happens to look up and sees what looks like a head appear between the breakers. He watches quietly, figuring after all these years, his mind has gone over the edge. As the object moves closer, he realizes, it is a head, wearing a scuba mask and snorkel. He stands up as the swimmer moves into shallow and he can tell it's a woman. As she wades out of the surf, he is just plain slack jawed in awe, due to this magnificent turn of events.

Removing her mask, and she is a vision to behold. (ten years alone will do that for ya anyway) She smiles at him and asks "How long have you been here?" 10 long years he murmurs . 

"Let me see if I can make things a little better for you", as she gave him another sweet smile. "How long has it been since you have had a sip of alcohol?" 10 years he responds. She unzips a pocket on her wet suit, pulls out a flask and hands it to him. His quivering hands have trouble, but he unscrews the top, tips it back and takes a sip. "Wonderful!" he exclaims.

"How long has it been since you had a smoke?" she asks. 10 long years! he says again. She slowly pulls the main zipper down exposing a little of her ample cleavage. She reaches in, pulls out a fine cigar. Reaches in again, fishes around a bit and also pulls out a lighter. He lights up, takes a full draw on the stogie, blows the smoke out. "Smooth" he sighs.

She again starts to draw the zipper down, she smiles impishly, twinkle in her eye and asks our poor castaway, "How long has it been since you played around?" "Sweet God!!" he exclaimed. "Don't tell me you have a set of golf clubs in there too!"

HILLARIOUS!!

Hey lake!

What kind of key opens a banana?

A monkey

No? Ok, let's try some trivia.

What's the name of the famous, 4 man, U.S. rock group, that has never sang a song!?

Rushmore 

@been-there-ii Hahahahaha....oh geez, you are too much been there.