Who cuts the man on the moon's hair?
'Eclipse it 'imself.
A bear walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender asks him what he can get him. The bear says, “I’ll have a grilled.............cheese.” The bartender looks at him puzzled and says, “What’s with the big pause?” The bear responds, “I’m a bear”.
A guy is sitting at the doctor's office. The doctor walks in and says, "I have some bad news. I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating." "I don't understand, doc," the patient says. "Why?" "Because," the doctor says. "I'm trying to examine you."
I'll be so glad when this pandemic is over, but keep them coming!!!!!!!!!
What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?
One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.
This little boy goes into a store looks up at the lady working and ask her if she has a P...y and she said what did you say and the boy asked her if she had a P and she said take your nasty mouth and self out of here and never come back but the boy kept coming back so she went home and told her husband and her husband said he would come up there Friday and hide behind the door and when he comes in and asked you do you have a P you tell him you do then I’ll come out and grab him so Friday there the boy comes and he asked her if she had a P and she said she did then the boy said will you please give your husband some so he’ll leave my momma alone. ?
This little boy goes into a store looks up at the lady working and ask her if she has a P...y and she said what did you say and the boy asked her if she had a P and she said take your nasty mouth and self out of here and never come back but the boy kept coming back so she went home and told her husband and her husband said he would come up there Friday and hide behind the door and when he comes in and asked you do you have a P you tell him you do then I’ll come out and grab him so Friday there the boy comes and he asked her if she had a P and she said she did then the boy said will you please give your husband some so he’ll leave my momma alone. ?
Trucker jokes are always the best
Q) What do ya get when ya cross a donkey with an onion??
A) A piece of ass that will bring tears to your eyes.
Q) How is the Starship Enterprise and Charmon alike??
A) They both circle Uranus to wipe out Clingons.
@tsuga Ok, that was full groan.
With the relaxing of covid protocol, in NY anyway, husbands will once again be able to go back to saying "I'll get to it when I have the time."
Had a video appt w/ my primary care...nurse practitioner, thinking I might have a bladder infection. His response:
Yep, urine trouble.
Did you hear about the thief that stole a calendar?
He got 12 months....
Why did the sperm cross the road?
Because the Forum Troll put on the wrong sock this morning!!!
@been-there-ii come on, I was betting you old jarheads would crack up about that one!!
@navylion Not to worry, I laughed out loud. Gotta remember, I'm of stoic German descent, if ya got a comment vs a thumbs up, I really appreciated it.
That said, Waddya call a bunch of ocean going, marauding, thugs, that like to climb rocks?
Pirates of the Carabiner
@been-there-ii now that was a groan!!!!!
What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common?
A wet nose.
OK. OK. Why do you drive on a parkway but park in a driveway? My 2nd covid shot this Sat. can't come soon enough.
@navylion haha I'll be telling that one to my Lil' Suzy later.
My dentist recently married a manicurist. My last visit, I asked how he like married life. He confided to me that, when they fight, they fight tooth and nail.
@been-there-ii Good one!
When is it okay to beat up a dwarf?
When he's standing next to your girlfriend and telling her that her hair smells nice.
@navylion Nice!
I keep waiting for Tsuga to chime in. Maybe he's preoccupied since it warmed up, he may be doing a little work on his scary neighbor lady's "sugar bush" aka foreplay.
Oh, Suzy wasn't all that impressed with the wet nose joke. Maybe it was too close to home.
Hear about the Kleptomaniac that wanted to treat his condition?
He took something for it.
@been-there-ii lol that was funny. Yea think I need to shoot Tsuga a e-mail and check in with him.